My Journey to Motherhood

Hello everybody! Its been a while since I've posted something here. Since I gave birth to my son, all my time and effort went to taking care of him. Motherhood overwhelmed me, surprised me, scared me but most of all taught me a of things. I was (That is why for my comeback post, I would like to share to you the things I've discovered, lessons I've learned and experiences that surprised me the moment I entered motherhood.

1. You Can Never Be Ready For The Big Day
Unlike the normal, mine was a scheduled C-Section last July 16. No, not because I wanted to escape the pain of normal delivery but because I'm not allowed to go into labor. I have a scarred uterus (due to previous myomectomy and uteroplasty) and placenta previa hence the need for the CS. For months I've set my mind for that operation. Since I had (almost) the same procedure 3 years ago when my myoma was removed, I thought everything would be a piece of cake.
But I'm wrong.

It's funny and scary to be awake while hearing the clamps and the doctors talk while they perform the procedure. Excited and nervous at the same time, I kept on talking to my husband and asking the progress of the procedure. It felt weird and scary at first, but the moment I heard my baby cry, I felt so relieved. Finally, I'd be able to see the little angel I've been taking care in my womb for months.

When I thought that everything's over, I heard my OB said to her colleague. "Grabe ang nipis nipis na ng uterus nya, buti nalang ngayon sya na-CS, kung pinagbukas pa ito baka delikado." Then she asked my husband, "Paolo may balak ba kayong sundan si baby?" My husband said yes (and I remember saying happy na po ako sa firstborn ko, probably cause I was still drugged from my anesthesia). So my OB performed  another uteroplasty, saved my uterus and giving me a chance to conceive again.

Never did I'll expect that my uterus will be reconstructed again, but I thank the Lord and my doctor that they saved me from possible hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) and giving me another chance to conceieve again, For now, I was so relieved that Leon and I were okay and finally, after almost 10 years of being together, Paolo and I can already call ourselves a family.

2. By Instinct, Mothers Learn to Love Unconditionally

The feeling was inexplicable the first time I saw, touched and hugged Leon. It's like seeing someone for the first time but falling madly deeply in love with him. The feeling was so strong and so magical that I almost forgot that I was in the operating room. I even opted to have my uterus removed cause I was in overflowing joy the moment he came out to the world. He suddenly became the apple of my eye, the center of my world.

Recovering from C-section was very difficult but I manage to recover as quickly as I can. Can you imagine, in less than 24 hours after my surgery, Leon was roomed in with me for him to be nursed. Despite all the pain that I was feeling that time and the lack of sleep I had, I was eager to take care of my little baby, nursed and even cradled him. Even until now, with or without sleep, I'd do everything to take care of little one. That is what unconditional love can do -- doing everything for the one you love despite of and inspite of.

3.  Breastfeeding is Passion and Hardwork

 Breastfeeding is the course of nature, thus it is the easier option -- and so I thought. Prior to labor, I thought that my milk will come out naturally and thus my little boy will have something to nurse on. But I was wrong. I may be fortunate enough to experience the unang yakap with Leon and The Medical City was strict on their excusive breastfeeding policy, I had the toughest time establishing my milk supply. Leon even had physiologic jaundice that resulted us to do mix feeding. However due to encouragement from breastfeeding advocate friends, their advices and tips my milk supply got stronger through hard work and patience. Now, I can say my supply has now established (after 2 months of unlilatch, oversupplementing and healthy eating) and hopefully I'll be able to exclusively breastfeed my little Leon.
I'll make a separate blog entry on my breastfeeding challeges and success.

4. Sleep has became a luxury

Okay I'm not ashamed to show how I try to snatch some sleep while taking care of Leon

Well, until now, I feel very lucky whenever I get 2-4 hours straight sleep in the night. Especially during Leon' first month, we had a hard time putting him to sleep. Good thing my friend encouraged me to breastfeed him (in a sidelying position) and sleep whenever the baby sleeps. That's what I did! There's like a miracle where you would not make even the tiniest move when you're sleeping (and nursing) the baby. It's like instinct. So for new moms out there, try to breastfeed and sleep when the baby falls asleep at your breast, it will be the best feeling in the world -- next to being able to make your baby fall asleep.

5. Be Ready for Post Partum Stress
I know you're more familiar with post partum depression but I want to call it stress. Although depression may happen to some new moms (depression is depression when it's longer and it affects your functionality), I think most moms experience the stress of taking care of the newborn. In my case, my primary stressor was my slow milk supply that I thought I'm being a bad mom to my Leon. Since I want to exclusively breastfeed Leon, and I did it on his first week, I was shocked when I learned that he lost 15% of his weight and developed jaundice. I was crying for days and blaming myself for I thought that I was failing as a mother. I was even criticized for still wanting to breastfeed Leon despite the fact that I have low milk supply. Good thing Paolo was beside me the whole time and encouraged  me that I am not doing anything wrong. Luckily, I am now able to overcome those fears and now confident enough to breastfeed and take care of my baby.

6. Nothing can be more Beuttiful than the Sight of your Little One
Motherhood is exhausting. It is a job where you don't get to choose your sleep and wake up time,  where you don't get to schedule your meals, even your bath time. However, the moment the baby looks at you, smile at you, all the tiredness and exhaustion go away in an instant. I can relate to this especially now that I started going back to work. After spending 10-14 hours driving, working away from Leon, all my stress and worries go away the instant I see my baby. And yes, its true, seeing your baby smile, talk or even seeing him sleep soundly makes you feel fulfilled.

I still have a lot of stories to share but I would save it for my upcoming entries. I know I was gone a long time but I used my maternity leave spending time with my baby and I had to adjust to my new working schedule. Hopefully I could get back on track soon!

To mommies and future moms, I hope my post would inspire / enlighten you in facing the struggles of motherhood.

Much Love,
The Bargain Doll (Mom)


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